she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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