Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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