its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
