I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
