I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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