I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
