You don't have asthma, your pregnant
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
