It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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