five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
