The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
