I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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