Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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