dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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