you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
