Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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