i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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