pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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