If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
