They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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