He kissed a someone with a penis
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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