Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
