I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
