I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
