please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
