You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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