New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
