We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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