you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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