First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
