your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
