I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
