got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
