you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
