dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
