please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
