You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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