i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
