If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I will pee on everything he values.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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