I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
