You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
