Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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