Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize