We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
