the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Houston, we have a blender
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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