so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
