I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
