Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
