Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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