I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize