Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
