I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
