I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
