Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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