We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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