Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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