Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
