What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
