I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
