I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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