"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
