"it" just moved
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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