when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
