I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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