I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
