Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're a waste of cheezeits
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize