The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
