Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
