Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
