Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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