i already hear my dad disowning me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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