so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I look better un-naked...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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