Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize