11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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