My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize