this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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