i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
