Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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