just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
