you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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