I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you didnt know i had herpes?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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