I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
