this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
