tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
