I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh god it's open bar.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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