dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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