How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
