I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
