How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
