thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
