He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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