Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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