Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
