I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
