he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
