dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
