She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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