Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
