12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize