you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
