I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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