I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
