nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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