You're earring is so big in my mouth
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
