it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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