good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
