I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize