you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
