I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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