whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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