I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
