party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize