I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
