I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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