She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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