I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
