this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize