You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
