shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
