While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
