Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
