I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
