Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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