This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
