My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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