I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
